Trying (and I do mean trying) to stay committed :)

Wow! Starting this blog post, I'm thinking where do I pick up? As with most things, we all begin new adventures with best intentions to make it a regular routine butttt better later than never!

In my last blog post (in January ekkk), I was in an unsure spot regarding many aspects of my life, mostly personal. In bringing you all up to speed, somewhat, I am happy to report that most of it has become a clearer picture and God is ever so faithful in His promises to me. 

In the weeks passing, my marriage and faith underwent a great amount of testing (which I'm sure is not the last lol). I was spending many moments heartbroken and wondering, even to the extent of feeling like throwing in the towel. But you see, this is the beautiful part about God's faithfulness in my life. He see's me through different eyes, He knows my needs, and my limits. When I felt week and incapable, His strength and perseverance prevailed which to me is the most beautiful part. All of it points right back to Him and He receives the glory! This is not to say that each day I wake up and think that magically my life is perfect! In fact, sometimes it is the opposite as I continue to trust God and step into new paths He has laid out before me. But again, I pray and tell my Father, "Okay Lord, you know Jon and are still working on things and you know financially we need some money to eat and live." Years ago this extent to which I am trusting God with anything might have been impossible for me. But, for those of you that have been close to me and Jon, you know that the Lord has yet to fail us, nor will He! At times, the world may look at those of us that are believers and think, "Jeez, how dumb to just settle for that." However, it is my strong belief and conviction that in each and every circumstance that I choose to trust Him, it is my personal way of saying, "No! I won't settle at all! I only accept His best and His will for my life." So in moving forward with that perspective, God is continuing to love and encourage me in only a way that He can, surrounding me and Jon both with His Agape perfect kind of love bringing the two of us closer than ever regardless of our circumstances!

Remembering our high school sweetheart romance <3

A fun day in Santa Monica visiting with Jon's sister in from New York

And of COURSE! I must add (like I would forget!) I am officially Karen Hutchinson RN, BSN in the great state of California!!!!! Thank you Jesus!!! That was by far one of the most stressful things in my life truly putting both my nerves and faith to the test lol! Yet again my Abba Father is faithful to provide favor and blessing over not only my life but my profession. After having received my official liscensure, God has been faithful in already providing a variety of job leads and interview opportunities. As with other things in my life, I too am laying this "job thing" at the foot of the cross where it belongs. I am confident that my God has the perfect job all lined up for me and no amount of bad news about the economy or nursing hiring freezes can stand in His way :)

And Here it is my official license :)

Other than moving forward in those areas, I have been throughly enjoying my time with Jon and my family doing things like going to the beach, Palm Springs, and of course many days entertaining my favorite little 3 year old, my nephew Roman <3 

Until next time (and hopefully to report that God hand delivered my perfect job, because He will!) 

Officially signing out,

Nurse Karen

Always a sweet face! That gets Auntie every time :)

A fun day in Palm Springs with family <3

A perfect beginning to any day! Seeing this sweet face <3 Enjoying every momemt of our time together that I have missed so much while I was in school :)

Choosing to look beyond circumstances...

So back in December, after graduation, I started this blog thinking of what a wonderful outlet this would be to both express my current thought process and later have a written testimony of God's faithfulness in my first year as a new nurse. BUT! If you are reading this I should say I have left this blog wordless in the New Year due to the fear of sharing my true heart and feelings at the moment. If I am truly being honest or "black and white" as I like to put it, circumstances have been tough! And guess what? Graduation or "being a nurse" has made nothing perfect!!! Over the past year, I have stood in the face of many challenges whether it has been my school, finances, or my marriage. In the weeks that have recently passed, I have seen many of these things coming to a head (as cliche as that sounds) but in all of that and the many tears (and I mean many!!!) I have so gracefully heard my Lord's voice asking me, "Do you trust Me Karen with that which you love most?" At first, I replied, "Yes Lord! How could I have not, I been so good (hahaha)!" But yet again, His gentle voice guiding me. "Do you trust Me with him?" Now let me tell you, answering this question was by far much harder than the first! Throughout my education and whatever else that I have felt makes me "so accomplished" (realizing now that ONLY JESUS has accomplished it for me) I have somewhat prided myself on being oh so smart and in control hahahaha! But truly! I have come to a fork in the road where there is no possible or even imaginable way that I could even remotely be in control.

For those of you reading this that already know me, I don't need to explain to you what my marriage means to me or how much I have loved my husband. BUT! If I am being truthful and raw with all of you, my marriage needs help! Can I help it? Absolutely not! In fact, if there is one thing I can be thankful and peaceful about right now it is that I still have Jesus and I know He can!

I am trusting Him with him! Allowing God daily to be the Author, Finisher, and Perfecter of my faith to do so! In church today, my pastor talked about the image of me (the believer) being a jar of clay and God the potter. Spinning and shaping who I am. Now here is the funny thing! I have most certainly heard this before but never have I longed for it the way I am now! I was thinking, "Yes Jesus! Mold and shape me in whatever way you see fit!" For the first time, I didn't care if that molding was Karen the wife, Karen the daughter, Karen the nurse, or whatever other title I may have! I just want to be fully in Him and Him be mine!

I need You Jesus and You only! I don't have to tell You all my needs because You know them! I don't need to control or tell You how to fix the situation because You (and You alone) have gone before me and it is a finished work at the cross! You are capable of restoring my marriage because you ordained it! You alone can shape and mold my husband because You created him! If there is anything we need, it is not each other but you FIRST so that we may be an earthly reflection of your love and relationship with us. I pray and thank You Lord that You are perfectly faithful in loving me and guiding my path even when my human nature fails me to be fearful and worrisome. Simply put...I love You because You first loved me! What could be more beautiful?

Ohhhhh and thank You Lord that You have created some of us to be musically gifted :)
http://youtu.be/yLr6G8Xy5uc

P.S. I am taking my boards for nursing Feb 6th! Please keep me close in prayer along with all else that I have shared! XOXOXO

Why Now Does A Week Feel Like The Blink Of An Eye?

Sooo!!! Something I have been (especially) thinking of since leaving school is that the concept of time has changed so vastly! In the past 3 years, I can remember weeks feeling as though 7 whole days was a lifetime, however, now I am finding this funny because I can't even keep track of what day of the week it is! Perhaps, that is because I have been so engulfed in this little thing that normal people call relaxation!!! haha :)

What's new? All Mr. Belvidere does is cat nap! haha :)

One thing I can tell you is that I have been thoroughly enjoying this time the Lord has given back to me to spend time with those that I love and have felt somewhat disconnected from over the past couple years. In the days past graduation, I was blessed to have been thrown a party by my cousin, Krissie, bringing it all together with one big "themed-out" hoorah! 

As bonus to my own party, I also got the opportunity to celebrate alongside some of my other nursing friends at theirs :) At my friend Brittany's party, one got the feeling for the all American family with burgers on the grill and all while on the other hand (and same day) I had the privilege of attending my friend Reshma's party. Now let me tell you, Reshma's party was nothing short of a cultural immersion! Her family is from Fiji with Indian heritage making this a unique experience. Everything from the people, music, and food was so original leaving me hoping for more celebrations with her in the future!

My party decor :)

Coming together as friends at Reshma's event

Moving on from these exciting events, I have had to abruptly embrace the art of slowing down!! Earlier this week, I found my mind racing thinking, "What should I do? ... What do I need to do?" Only to answer my own question! "Nothing Karen!!! Just stop and smell the darn roses!" It's funny to me that after having accomplished the monumental task that is nursing school, that I am finding it harder than ever to turn that part of me completely off. I keep thinking, "What is wrong with you?" But then I realize there is nothing "wrong,"  it's just that I am re-learning the person I once was and finding those small things outside of my career that have also given me purpose. I am coming to the realization that finding enjoyment in these small things will be important in my future making me a more well rounded nurse and person. I am not saying that carrying nursing with me is a bad thing, it is just that I am realizing now that it is not my "everything." Going forward, this mindset is what I believe will enable me to enjoy life and love what I do! I never want my career to be an obligatory part of my life, rather, I see it as an amazing blessing and perk bringing me in contact with individuals who open my worldview and bless me more than I bless them! 

So now when that little nagging voice says, "what to do, what to do?" I fire back saying, "Go forth and enjoy every day, every moment! Embrace the good and bad! Live what you love and love what you do!"

XOXOXO Karen

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 2013 here I come :)

On of my first "slow down moments." Baking cookies with my precious nephew, Roman. Nothing like seeing the world through the eyes of a child to put things into perspective!

Matthew 18:3

And He said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of heaven. 

A fun trip to Universal Studios Hollywood for "Grinchmas"

The "Whoville" Tree :)

The day after graduation, a new life, a new blog!

The fantastic 4

Our festive graduation caps :)

Our woohooo moment!

Our Dean and Associate Dean

My friend Courtney and I with our very special Dean!

Hmmm....where do I start? Did that just really happen? YES folks! I finally did it! A day that has been long anticipated!!! Nursing school is officially behind me...what an amazing feeling!!

I woke up this morning thinking, "what the heck do I do?" Over the past 4 years I have looked forward to this day when I would be officially graduated from nursing school, however, I am realizing now that having "something to do" has became more engraved in me than I would have ever thought!
This is not to say that I am not ecstatic about what the future holds! I am overwhelmed by a sense of adventure this morning and feeling more than ever humbled to have taken my Nightengale Pledge and be called "nurse." It is my hope in attempting to blog (something I surely never had time for before!) that I can work through the day to day emotions that will come with being newly graduated nurse. I've been told by many that have gone before me that the first year as an RN is the hardest so I thought hey why not write it all down! If there is anything nursing school did teach me it is that reflecting is important! Pretty sure my nursing friends are gonna read that and think, "wow that's an understatement!" But seriously! While trying to even just process this morning I began thinking, I need to write! In the past 4 years writing has been a large part of my life and truly I consider it one of my personal gifts that I never want to loose!

This blog for me is a way in keeping in touch with that side of me, so that I can learn to never stop processing things and hopefully bless others as I share those moments as a new nurse in her first year facing and conquering (with the help of JESUS) those challenges that will shape and mold my new role :)

For those of you reading this (friends, family, and faculty) I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you for supporting me! Your smiles and love for me last night were priceless. It is truly a moment I will replay in my mind forever! I love you all :)